Long time, Err. I wouldn’t say “no see”. It’s good that we haven’t seen each other for a long time. Let’s keep it that way. Anyways, I’m sure you will be wondering why I’m addressing this to you and that too, a love letter.
Just that I want to thank you for much love. Mind you, this letter is going to contain the highest level of narcissism along with little wrath. Nevertheless, you brought this upon yourself, I’m sure you will able to resonate with this more once you accept this. Also, if you end up feeling guilty, then I’m happy I struck the right chord.
So here it goes.
Sweetheart, I want to thank you for the valuable time you bestowed upon me, no matter how big or small it was. I’m pretty sure I would have ended up in a very sad state had I not met you.
Without you, I wouldn’t have understood the twisting pain in my heart, every time you spoke about your cheating or heartbreaker ex as though she was some angel. Especially, those moments when you used to hum love songs, probably thinking about her, while I sat next to you wondering where I’m lacking. That pain was once in a lifetime experience.
Without you, I wouldn’t have understood the awkward silence that followed whenever I was snubbed for asking about your eating habits and health too. Probably my clinginess was too much for you to take. Haw! How dare she asks me “did you eat?” or “do you want me to come over and cook over for you?” So clingy she is.
Without you, I wouldn’t have understood that all those promises or declarations of the love were just meant for listening not for practical purpose. Probably the margarita pizza does a better job of satisfying the cheesy part, right? Should have known it, dammit!
Without you, I wouldn’t have second doubted myself every time and in fact, coming to terms with my insecurities. It was so happy to know that you find someone else more beautiful or able than me. Also, it was even more satisfying to know, you found avoiding my messages was a better way to get rid of me.
Without you, I wouldn’t have known the art of distrusting people. In fact, trust is too overrated. I mean why you would trust someone with your life and yourself. Pfft! that’s so old school mentality.
Without you, I wouldn’t have known I have functioning tear ducts, that automatically opens up the moment I realize I’ll never be a priority to you. According to you, that’s too much work, inquiring about my whereabouts or well-being. I even wonder whether you would inquire about me if I go missing for few days or even die for that matter.
Without you, I wouldn’t have known I was emotionally strong despite the setbacks. I remember those times when I used to sleep peacefully in the night, while you koochi-kooed with some other girl. Ah! Nostalgia.
Without you, I wouldn’t have known the pain of rejection on baseless reasons. “She is too intimidating, she is too dominating, she has a strong voice, she is over-friendly, she is fat, she is chubby, she is this, she is that.” Yet again, thanks for rubbing these on my face.
Without you, I wouldn’t have known that I can be the best therapy animal or tissue paper for you, while you laughed and enjoyed your life with your friends. I got the frowns and sighs, while they got your smiles and fun side. I’m sure a sorrow magnet, eh?
Without you, I wouldn’t have known what an awesome woman I’m. The amount of strength I exhibited during the times of distress showed me repeatedly that I’m full of life. I’ll be always filled with love, hope and positivity to spread to people who actually need it. That I’m too strong to be handled and weak men like you will only find reasons to break me, not cherish me. I’m equally sad all your plans to break me also flopped miserably. I also realized each time I questioned myself; I was actually questioning your insecurities. While you were punishing me for your insecurities, I was falling in love with my imperfections. While you gave your past as the reason for not loving me enough, I found new profound ways to unlove you. While you were sitting and justifying your behavior, I pitied you. While I have so much love in me, I’m sure of one fact that you will never get an ounce of it. As you sit and wonder where I’m right now, I can say for sure I’m in a far better place. Of course, somewhere really far away from you.
Hey, Karthika Krishnakumar here. I am pursuing CA professional degree and alongside write for my happiness. Writing isn’t my strong forte yet I feel even with my imperfect English, I can spin beautifully crafted words.