LOVE! NOT MY CUP OF TEA
As I sat down tonight to pour my feelings onto a blank sheet, I didn’t think twice. For long, I have been apprehensive on opening up, fearing I’ll be judged heavily. Something which is inherent in me without difficulty.
It has been hard for me, being a hopeless romantic, to survive in the present generation where people find solace in everything temporary: Temporary fixtures, casual outings, casual laughs, etc. Every single aspect of a supposedly potential relationship drenched in nonchalance and randomness.
When I gave it a thought, I remembered people moving in and out like clouds. Clouds of different shapes, sizes and preferences. You look at the sky, you see a cloud, you like it at first but you end up disliking something about it so you wait for it to move ahead. This keeps going on forever. Nobody has the actual strength to look at the cloud enough to turn a blind eye towards the flaws it possess.
Given the fact that currently, it is the age of customization, you try to find the same in relationships. You only start if your criteria is fulfilled. Even if one fails, you move out. They don’t even get to the actual test of the relationship which is finding solace in each other even after the honeymoon phase of the same is over. Nobody is ready to get to that and that is what makes me sad.
I found myself lost amid this chaos. In the pursuit of finding my romance, I ended up being someone’s temporary fixture. The more I tried to find essence of romance in it, the more I was met with a cold response. I often wondered if it was only me. Was it wrong for me to expect the old school romance? Not knowing what to do, I tried to adjust to present generation’s idea of relationship. I must say, it wasn’t a pleasant feeling, to be treated like a mere “emotional company”.
Actually, more horrible was been treated like a second option. Something which goes along the line “Oh you are amazing person, but my heart is still stuck with my ex”, “I make really good scrambled eggs, my ex used to love the way I make it” or even worse “I chose my ex because she stays 5 kms away from me and not like you, who stays 5 hours away from me. She is more convenient”. A constant reminder that I’ll be compared with the ex or even chosen over the ex, no matter how good I am.
Time and again I’ve been reminded that good girls who go by the old school of romance, who thrive on loyalty and understanding end up getting ditched no matter what. Because loyalty is something people can’t afford nowadays. It is something which hits a person’s conscience really hard and to actually give that to someone takes more than just courage. It takes a strong-willed person to give and take the same in a relationship.
When I try to wrap my head around all this, It dawns upon me that someone like me wouldn’t even fit in in this whole idea of modern relationship. I find myself as the puzzle piece that doesn’t fit anywhere or, like the lone star in the galaxy waiting to die a slow death or, an island that was abandoned during the survival process. Then again, when I think about it, I find myself to be unique. Because old school romance or even loyalty is my forte and having to give that experience to someone, oh boy! He should be that special.
So, accepting the notion that the same won’t happen with me ever, I made peace with fact that love found in present modern relationships isn’t my cup of tea. I can fake neither the feelings, the laughs nor anything when it comes to a relationship. Guess I was born in the wrong era. Sigh!
Author’s note: The above content contains the mix of my own personal experiences and, that of my best friends, who found themselves in the same place as me. Love is something that has been diluted from what it was. Love for me is ARR music playing from the radio or Kishore Kumar’s voice sneaking out through the cassette player. Vintage and pure. And that can only be felt not experienced.